A Case for Dating via the Internet
Secret Restaurant Recipes
Recipes that really work - don't be fooled by imitators.
Author: Amy Schoen Believe it or not, there are some men and women who have
not ventured into internet dating yet. By not exploring
this avenue, these people are missing an important avenue
for meeting wonderful men and women like themselves that
are having a hard time meeting someone decent to date
through more traditional means and their normal daily
activities.
A coaching client, Sally* is a 40 year old woman who has
n.ever married and was having no luck meeting appropriate
men. She is a shy woman who dreaded s.ingles events and
"putting herself out there". So I encouraged her to
explore her perspectives on dating on the internet.
"It's scary out there" came up first. She was afraid of
the unknown and the "crazies" that she would encounter
during her search. Also, she was afraid of any undesirable
types who contacted her. I told her that it was a
possibility that some unstable people where on the net,
however, the process of weeding out by scrutinizing emails
and talking to them on the ph.one would screen out most men
she would felt uncomfortable with.
"What other perspective on internet dating comes up for
you?", I asked her. She hesitated. Then I continued with,
"What would your mother think of you trying internet
dating?" She laughed and said her mother would say, "What
do you have to l.ose by trying?" "What would that look
like?" I encouraged her further. "It's kind of like the
nothing ventured, nothing gained perspective".
Then, I went one step further, "What would your best friend
say about you trying internet dating?" "Oh that is easy,
she would tell me to go for it!" Sally went on, "Also,
there's a whole world out there for me to explore." She
continued to tell me that "Go for it" perspective felt as
though it was possible to meet someone this way and that it
was hopeful.
"What could be fun about dating on the internet?" I asked.
"Well, I could meet interesting people, do interesting
things and go interesting places." "So would you say that
this would be the It's fun out there perspective for
internet dating?" "Yes, I could see that", she confirmed.
Then, a negative thought (a gremlin) came to Sally
immediately. "Aren't only desperate men dating via the
internet?" she expressed as a concern. We then went on to
explore why someone would be dating using the internet. We
came up with the following positive reasons:
1. These men may be time constrained due to demanding jobs
and family obligations and don't have much time for
traditional ways of meeting women such as singles events
and activities.
2. Men like convenience. This is an easy way to meet
appropriate women to date.
3. Men like to be efficient. The internet provides an
efficient use of their time and m.oney. You can go to a
s.ingles event and not meet anyone. You have just spent
your time and your m.oney without any results! Your chances
seem better of actually going on dates.
4. The internet provides a lot of information that you
don't get when meeting someone at a bar or a s.ingles
event. It weeds through the chit chat.
5. You get to engage with someone and get to know them
through emails and ph.one calls before you meet them.
Therefore, physical chemistry does not become the only
factor for wanting to meet someone.
6. Internet dating is a one on one vehicle. It is not like
some of these meat market s.ingles events where you are
standing around with dozens of other women around.
7. The internet is great for shy people who don't have an
easy time at parties and group events.
8. The internet is actively being used by all ages n.ow,
especially those 55 years and under.
After we brainstormed and uncovered these reasons for
trying internet dating, Sally seemed ready to give the
internet a try. Then, one last gremlin came up for her!
"It all sounds good, but this may take too much time for
me" Sally said. "How much time could you give to this
activity during the week?" I countered. "A couple of hours
a week" she offered. "How many hours are you willing to
commit to spending on internet dating a week?" I asked
firmly as her coach. She was willing to commit to 3 hours
a week.
"And what perspective do you want to take on as you go
forward with this venture?" I encouraged further. "I want
to take on the go for it perspective", she answered. "I
know you will go for it and you will be courageous about
it!" was my acknowledgement for my client that ended our
session.
For more articles on internet dating go to
*Sally is a fictitious name. This article was written as a
compilation of several sessions with different clients at
different times.
About the Author:
Amy Schoen is a life coach who specializes in helping
singles to discover what they need and want in
relationships and how to find their desired romantic
partner. She is also an expert in internet dating
strategies and how to write an effective internet profile.
For down to earth tips and helpful hints on dating and
relationships, you can subscribe to her popular ezine or
her tele-seminars at:
Powered by CommonSense CMS script - http://www.sensesites.com/
|
